"So, who's the clingy one? You - or your parents?"
Well, to be perfectly honest, I could say I'm pretty clingy, especially when it comes to my family. Growing up with a family consisting of only 3 siblings, and being the eldest, tends to occasionally trigger that "homesick" spot (quite often actually). I have been hearing people say these to me over and over;
"Kenapa balik tiap-tiap hari?"
"Tak best ke duduk kolej?"
"Bayar kolej maha-mahal tapi balik rumah juga, buat apa."
"Kesian Put duduk sorang-sorang."
But what I fail to express to anyone is the main reason why I drive a distance of about 60+km back and forth everyday, with a cost of RM9.40 on highway tolls daily. Why do I torture myself by waking up at 6am every morning and braving through 20-minute traffic on MRR2? I don't intend to tell this to anyone's face, well, because one, it may sound like a mere excuse, or two, it's plain sad.
The main purpose as to why I'm not studying in the UK or Australia was this. I made a vow to myself ever since I witnessed my mum caring for my arwah Tok Pa while he was ill was that I always want to be there for my parents, doing everything I could, to help them. Be it sending their laundry, buying them dinner, watching "Tundukkan Playboy Itu" with them, setting up their Spotify account, booking their hotel rooms or even just being antisocial in the living room with them.
I want to stay home because no one's home. No one being home automatically makes my parents equate it to feeling older. I don't want my parents to feel old. I don't want to constantly hear my mum utter to me "I'm so old". Because I believe that once a person starts saying it, they start being it. I want to be home until someone comes home to replace me. I want to make them feel young, making them still feel that there is one more person that they still need to care for, other than just each other, and it's not just them.
So, yeah. That's why. My parents are ageing and it's killing me slowly deep inside.