Hustle, hustle.

Let's just start off with pointing out how dead this place is.  I haven't had enough "me time" to actually rant to myself about all the things that bother me.  But for now, I'm at the peak of my stress spurt and I think I may just break apart soon enough, but I know I gotta shine like a diamond under pressure. I've broken down SO MANY TIMES (oh my god, so many that it's embarrassingly annoying just thinking about it), and don't even get started on how many times I've said the phrase "I'm depressed" this week alone (and it's only Monday!).  

I've always lived life, up until 2015 at least, swearing to myself, that I will never describe myself as "depressed" no matter how depressing the situation got.  I got a C for my Calculus finals in PASUM. I wasn't "depressed", I was just "unamused".  I wasn't accepted into UM for my BDS. I wasn't "depressed", I was just very "unhappy".  I got into a fight with Nens and we didn't talk for months. I wasn't "depressed", I was just very "upset".  Tok Pa left.  No, I still wasn't "depressed", I was just extremely "sad". 

Back then, the "D" word was such a taboo word to me. So much so that you'll never hear me blurt out the word in the same sentence with a noun describing myself. I never understood why, but I have a feeling that it was mainly because I've always had the mindset that, "if you don't think it, you don't feel it." So, how in denial was I? 

So, it's four days into 2016, and I've said it a handful of times. I guess I've came to the point of my life where I give in to these emotions I've been bottling up for so long.  So much so, that I've been such a crybaby lately (and I HATE myself for it). I tear up to the smallest of things. No, it's NOT PMS.  I've just held it in for way too long, and I feel so sorry for the people who have to witness it, because, man, how clueless can some people be in impromptu situations like that.  I don't blame them though.  I've been an emotional attention-seeking wreck. 

But yeah, I let myself be "depressed" now.  Because it's okay.  It's perfectly fine.  

All that aside, things are downright cray over in the Year 4 department. So many projects to submit, datelines to meet, requirements to fulfil, patients to recruit, paperwork to sort out, events to attend, and last but not least, exams to ace.  InsyaAllah, may Allah ease.