Today's random thought: (Well, it's actually last Friday's)

I live in a dormroom / house with people who I'm comfortable enough to shout at when they hog the toilet during my 6.30am diarrhoea emergencies. Now, that, is true friendship. 

Give & Take

Isn't it pretty ironic that some people expect so much love from someone else but don't give as much love to others?  I can't brain the mentality of people who only expect to take, but not give.  To me, if you want to be loved, you have to love.  It's like doing charity in a way.  You give your all to a cause, and in the end, you will be rewarded, somewhat someway, because Allah is great.

You can't simply expect to be treated like a Queen (you "oh-so deserve to be treated as" as you always eloquently put it), when you yourself treat the people around you like rubbish. Not even peasants, r-u-b-b-i-s-h.

You know that feeling of just wanting to shake some sense into (OR strangle to death) some people who just can't seem to use their very own personalised God's greatest gift to mankind a.k.a the brain? *rolling eyes emoji* Sometimes, it makes you ask yourself if they even have one.

Long Distance Relationships

Let's just be real here, and have the title be straight to the fucking point. Long distance relationships (LDRs) are a bag of shit, and glitter (on occasion). I don't think anyone is even interested to know about how I do my LDRs, but I'm just here to break it to ya girls out there, who think it's so shitty (it is, but not ALL the time) OR those who think it's a bed full of roses (again, it is, but not ALL the time).

LDRs are of course full of sleepless tearful nights of missing the other half, having to pause and synchronise the minutes and seconds of the movie every few minutes because the server fucks up, shitty internet regardless of how much the telco is ripping you off, being woken up at 3am because it's only 9pm/9am where he/she is, calls that are full of "reconnecting"(s) and "poor connection"(s), pointless fights about waiting up and accidentally falling asleep, having to rush out of class for lunch in order to squeeze in a quick "good night" wish, and the list just never ends.

But it's also full of amazing long conversations about how chaotic your day in school was, insightful (and sometimes, progressively ugly) debates about plastic surgery in Korea vs. USA or even Coke vs Pepsi, still getting to watch movies together (thank god for the existence of internet!), being able to see their face / hear their voice after a loooong ass day, being there for them to consult or console them whenever need be, and this list goes on and on as well.

Like, one minute we could be having this electric conversation packed with energy and enthusiasm, but the very next minute we could be on our respective phones checking Cosmopolitan and Daily Mail on Snapchat. Ya see, it ain't all fun and games. But hey, don't get me wrong, I love every part of it.

Personally, I feel like if that person is worth it, distance is just a measure of physicality, because in the end, you're still with each other, up there, in your mind, and down there, in your heart. Ew, so fucking cliche. Lol bye xo

Ugh, so selfish.

I don't know who even bothers to read what I write in this secluded corner that I have to myself in this huge ass world full of bundles of invisible wires that connect us to each other. (Also read as: social network. Lame, I know, I don't need to be told.)


Here's the thing about me that I have no idea why I even do it to myself sometimes, let alone have the nerve to hurt the ones I love in the process.  Imagine this, okay: There's this one person in your life. You love the person. You talk to the person for hours on end. You grow incredibly close to the person. You tell the person everything. You start depending on the person. You start investing a lot of time on the person. Well, in simpler words, you get attached.

Getting attached isn't anywhere near bad, but here's where I become the most selfish person you've ever met. (I'm so selfish that I disgust myself.) At the end of all that, after this whole "getting attached" bit happens, I pull away. You know how the waves hit the shore, and then stay there for a while, making the sand it hits wet, and later retract themselves back into the sea? Well, that's a perfect representation of yours truly. I'm a fucking wave.

I would love to delve into this more, but I just lost everything I had in mind to say. Till next time. Lol.

Commitment.

That's one huge word is you ask me. It's one thing that I absolutely suck at. As hard as I try, I just can't seem to deal with it. And it's nights like these, those nights where I can't catch some zzz's, those nights where I have no one to talk to, those nights where I have nothing better to do, that make me question.....

"What have I chosen to do with my life?"

"Why aren't I doing more things with my life?"

"Why the fuck is her life any different than mine?"

Sumpah lari topic sebenarnya. But yeah, back to the whole commitment thing, I have issues with it. This all started to come to my attention when I tried so hard to fall asleep earlier, and I couldn't, so I ran on over to my computer, trying to look for something to do.  Clicked on YouTube and discovered that I watched everything interesting in my subscription feed, even ended up on the "dark side" of YouTube. I spent 30 minutes just sitting here, cracking my head, thinking.....and then I realised that I have commitment issues when it came to trying to devote my time to watching a full-length movie, let alone a whole freaking season of a TV series. Lol I suck at all this. And here my friends are all bonding with each other over conversations about HTGAWM, TVD and all things alike. That used to be sooooo me, like, 5 years ago. 

I need to get a life, ASAP. Or is this a sign that I already do have one? *insert whichever emoji that you feel is appropriate*

nil.

I occasionally have those times of the day, where I just love something, or someone without boundaries,

and then....

There are those times of the day where I question, why do I.....



Another thing that I can't help but wonder is, do your promises have expiration dates?